by Janine Quarles (Bennett College)
I FIND IT HIGHLY INTERESTING how being here as a part of the Armagh project has grouped me in as an American. Yes, I was born in America. And yes, I’ve lived here all my life (actually, this is my first time out of the country). But being here in Armagh has been like a double adaptation, trying to fit into a culture within a culture.
In America, I am constantly categorized by my ethnicity as an African American, or Black American. And that’s ok with me. I’m proud to be a descendant of African people who came to this country and survived hundreds of years of abuse, oppression and indescribable turmoil. I come from greatness, and I know that. But that greatness isn’t always recognized in American culture, causing me to sometimes distance myself from any form of association with being “an American girl.” I feel like it’s important to make the distinction that I am an African American for many reasons including the fact the black people in America are still suffering from internalized and institutional racism that makes it hard to full identify with white people as equal Americans. Also, African Americans still go through a sort of rejection and separation from others within the African diaspora including black latinos, black carribeans and Africans who migrated here from their homeland. I’ve found that when we try to claim our African heritage, many times we’re rejected by Africans. We can’t fully identify with the culture of black people who have roots in the Caribbean because of the different cultures brought to those islands by different colonists, and the different tribes of indigenous peoples who were there originally. I’ve also found that even darker-skinned latino people who are clearly of African descent often don’t want to recognize that part of their heritage.
So all my life—well at least from the point that I could recognize words, and understand the concept of race—I have felt that it is important for African Americans to distinguish themselves in America, representing a culture that has often been underrepresented or misrepresented by perpetuated stereotypes in media and other sources.
With all of that said, my adjustment to Irish culture in a group where the majority of the people have some Irish heritage has been very interesting. And while the group has been pleasant, and there are some similarities between us, I find it hard to relate in a lot of ways. Sometimes I wonder if it’s just me making myself an outcast, and allowing my conscience of race matters to jade my vision so much that I’m not allowing myself to adapt. But then again even in a classroom setting, I find it hard to relate to the history and culture of Northern Ireland because I have no ties here. It’s hard for me to capture the essence of the community because I haven’t seen many people who look like me. And of course there are going to be major cultural differences between me and a person who grew up in white suburbia, or who has always been considered the majority, and maybe never, ever had to think in terms of race, or doesn’t recognize the idea of “white privilege.” And its hard when at times I almost feel like an eyesore as stares from the local people aren’t necessarily hostile, but they do make it noticeable that I’m different. And in this case, I’m not sure if being different is a good or bad thing.
Some things are apparent, and don’t need the convenience of cultural similarities to be recognized: the land here is absolutely beautiful. The cathedrals and hilly landscapes amaze me. The cobblestone streets filled with small mom and popish business tells me that the people here do have a strong sense of community, and understand the value in maintaining it by not allowing corporate giants to come in and invade their homeland at the promise of some high powered technological advancement. Here, I feel like there’s no rush to be the best, and the only need for competition is in the area of sports. These are things that I can definitely appreciate.
And if I can appreciate that, maybe I can take the veil from over my eyes and recognize that underneath the skin tone we’re all the same people. The differences in our backgrounds and heritage make us all unique, and make the world a much more colorful, flavorful place.
Racism is an attitude that is possessed by people who allow race matters to invade their conscience and make decisions and preconceptions/misconceptions for them. And if you’re not careful, what an awful thing it would be to become to very thing that you hate.
…I guess I have a lot to think about.
American?
